Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
