I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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