i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
