the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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