look no pants
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
