On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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