I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
