halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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