Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
