There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
