I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
