im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
