I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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