How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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