I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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