mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
