K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
