i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
