My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
