Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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