Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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