Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
