my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Randomize
