I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
