No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
