We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
