I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
