Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
