i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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