I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we have officially lost it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
