Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
