sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
