I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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