if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
