HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
