I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
