walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
