apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
