dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
