did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
