I'm gonna have a badass scar
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
