thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
