I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i need some magic done to my vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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