bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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