If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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