I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
