tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
