I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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