Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
