I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
